If I Could Save Time in a Bottle...

If you've taken a commercial flight anytime during the past two years you know that the days of hauling around the jumbo Costco-sized bottle of shampoo you keep in your shower are over. That is, if you want to carry your suitcase onto your flight, as opposed to checking it in.

In fact, any container holding a liquid or gel of more than three ounces is subject to removal from your bag. This is because one day SOMEONE on a flight had a HARMFUL liquid or gel that almost caused DEATH AND DESTRUCTION and now ALL OF US have the potential to do the same thing, so WE MUST PAY.

Not that I’m upset. However, this regulation effectively eliminates the qualification for carry-on nearly every HBA (health and beauty aid) purchase I have made, because 1) I buy the Costco size and 2) I am at that stage in life where I require a great deal of HBA just to leave the house every day. This attention to detail is a good thing, particularly for loved ones and colleagues.

Normally on a business trip I just pack all of the required HBA and then check in my suitcase, leaving the business of hauling all those potentially lethal hair gels and toothpaste around to the airlines’ baggage handlers.

But due to some timing issues in getting from one place to another, I was forced on this six-day trip to pack as efficiently as a Sherpa in order to avoid checking in my luggage. Never before had I compressed six days worth of clothing, shoes, and HBA into my smallest Samsonite suitcase AND been able to zip it shut.

This was a challenge, another on my life list of things to accomplish before going to that great security check in the sky. By the way, I will definitely know if I’ve gone to the place of fire and flames if I encounter any of the humorless TSA agents I have met in this life.

The key to making this work is to purchase a set of very tiny HBA and/or some miniature plastic bottles, the kind Gulliver would have discovered in Lilliput. Then spend a couple of hours pouring and condensing your daily beauty routine into these small bottles. Be sure to label the bottles appropriately so that you don’t make a big mistake that could be difficult to fix, such as using self-tanning lotion as eye makeup remover.

THEN fit all of the tiny bottles into a quart-sized zip-loc bag. You will need to show this bag to the TSA agent while you are also removing your shoes, belt, metal jewelry, jacket, placing your keys in a small bowl, putting your laptop in a bin of its own, all without misplacing your boarding pass. It’s a juggling act worthy of the Barnum and Bailey Circus.

This is where good decision-making skills come in handy. Because I decided that blush is neither a liquid nor a gel, I placed it in my combination makeup/pharmacy bag along with the eye shadow and eye pencil. Liquid foundation, however, had to go into the zip-loc. After several hours of practicing artful arranging, I successfully fit my products into the bag.

Just for fun I computed how much time I will save once I arrive in Boston tomorrow and can exit the plane with my suitcase in hand instead of waiting for it at the baggage carousel: about 30 minutes. So for six hours of work (shopping, condensing, arranging, condensing, arranging some more) I will save a half hour.

But it’s worth it. I think I’ll carry on from here on out. Because as maddening as the whole process of miniaturizing HBA is, just try going without it at all. That’s what can happen if you get on the wrong side of a humorless TSA agent and your bags end up in Guam. And me without HBA is a lethal weapon we do not want to unleash on anyone, not even sworn enemies.